This is a story about pain, punishment, anguish, and the power of unconditional love. It was an August afternoon, nine years ago, that my now best friend walked into my office, introduced himself and changed my life for ever. When he shook my hand, a jolt of electricity shoot up my arm and into my heart and I recognized him instantly. We have spent several lifetimes together. Sometimes as comrades in arms, sometimes as parent and child, sometimes as teacher and student and one time as siblings. A bond was formed at that moment and no matter how hard we have tried to break it, both consciously and/or unconsciously, it is there stronger than ever. We’ve been cruel to one another, we’ve tortured one another, and created a lot of pain in each other’s lives. But we have never stopped loving one another. Each of us has put up with “stuff” from the other that we would never put up with from anyone else in our lives.
We love each other unconditionally, we recognize that when the other is in pain that we act out and sometimes feel as if we have no control over our behaviour – so there is always understanding, forgiveness, patience, compassion and love. We make it through and our bond gets stronger. In many ways, through these struggles, we are teaching one another these important qualities. We both believe that we signed life contracts with one another in the spirit realm to assist each other with these life lessons, so when we act badly to one another, we now just apologize and say – oops another life lesson, chuckle about it and move on. We have stopped hurting each other.
When we met, he was my mentor. We sat in my kitchen for hours at a time, discussing metaphysics and philosophy. He taught me how to meditate. He told me I was a healer. I was searching, not really sure what I was looking for and he gently guided me to my present day path. I choose to step onto the path and my spiritual growth, which has been halted by a lifetime of searching, began once again. His torment began as his life trumbled down the rabbit hole, picking up as much crap as it could along the way. This is when the rough patch in our friendship began. The more he suffered, the more he made me suffer. The more he made me suffer, the more I made him suffer, becoming a viscious circle of pain for the both of us. Until it got to the point that I had to distance myself from him – in a way looking at the situation from a new vantage point. I moved to Moncton and left him behind. Don’t get me wrong, he was not the only reason I moved to Moncton, but he was a huge part of the decision.
Also, please don’t misunderstand me. During that time there were also many, many, many great moments of joy between us, made only more joyful because of the pain we were both feeling and creating. We did lots of fun things together and just got really out of control with some of the things we did. We both have an excellent sense of humour. These moments of joy were instrumental in sustaining the bond between us. Some of our most cherised experiences was dancing in the kitchen at 3am to Ella Fitzgerald blasting as loud as we could get it without the police being called, and laughing until we couldn’t laugh any more.
After moving to Moncton, and getting a new perspective, and having all my other friends pat me on the back for “finally breaking that choke hold he had on me”, and listening to them all ask me what took me so long to kick the “asshole to the curb”, I realized that I was also a huge part of the problem. My behaviour toward him had not been, shall we say, stellar. With some physical distance between us, I was better able to stand back and see my role in the whole nightmare. I spent weeks leading into months healing the pain I had caused myself through this entire adventure. After healing myself, I was then able to work on assisting him to heal himself. We spent hours on the phone, had a couple of visits with one another, and more time on the phone, and we always included one another in our healing meditations for the other.
Our friendship grew and blossomed again. We reached new levels of understanding with one another. We cultivated a field of unconditional love, compassion, understanding and forgiveness that we could share with the other. The dark times are over and we are able to stand next to one another, be grateful that the other is still in our lives, hug, kiss and say, “hey friend, I’ve got your six”. We have come full circle. In the beginning he was my mentor, and yesterday he acknowledged me as his mentor, saying thank you for showing him back to the way of love, through our undying, unconditional love for one another. We have stood in the trenches together, not only in past lives, but now in this life as well, and each knows that the other is “there for them, forever, through hell or high water”.
There is a saying that “there is a reason why someone from your past does not make it to your present”, and there are others that I have left behind, but not him. I am so grateful that this man came into my life when he did, taught me so much, and is still here to tell the story – the story of the friendship that couldn’t be killed, no matter how hard we tried. I love you unconditionally my friend, unconditionally.