I recently had one of those AH-HA moments that Oprah talks about. I have a friend, he actually is my best friend. We have known each other for 9 years, and when I shook his hand during introductions, he shook me to the bone, as electricity shoot through his hand, into mine and up my arm to my third eye chakra, where I had immediate flashes of past lives we had lived together. He felt it also, and the two of us took a step back, took a deep breath and have been inseperatable since.
I have been with him, as a friend, through the break-up of a marriage and several following relationships. Some people feel I am too involved in his life, that I know more about his life than is good for a friendship. He and I formed a very co-dependent relationship which was not good for anyone, and so I took a step back from the friendship and even relocated to a new province to give us both the space we badly needed to breathe. So where is this AH-HA moment that I opened this blog with?
Here, a few weeks ago, just out of the blue, well during a meditation really, I came to understand the dynamics of this relationship. There are 17 distinct past lives with him that I can remember, and probably a lot more that I can’t. In all these past lives, I played the role of care taker, either his mother, his older sibling, his teacher, his commrade in arms where we died in the trenchs together, or an authority figure of some sort. In short, in all these lives, I spent my time rescuing him in some way or another. That is what I was doing in this present, co-dependent relationship that we have formed in this life. He gets his life in a mess, usually his personal life, and then he comes to me to rescue him, and I go out of my way to comply by going into rescue mode with all sorts of suggestions on how he can get himself out of his current mess. If he needs a new place to live, I search the ads, make the phone calls and even go and see the place for him. I give him money for the damage deposit; I buy furniture for him, and all the while he is sitting there telling me what more I need to do for him. Well, he doesn’t say those actual words, but the message is there. This has been going on for 9 years with me being totally oblivious to what was actually happening and why. I was getting more and more stressed out and frustrated over the entire situation, and couldn’t figure out why this kept happening.
Then–AH-HA!–news flash! I finally got it. So we had a chat. I explained to him, that it was not going to continue, from this day forth, he was going to be responsible for his own life, for his own mistakes, for his own decisions and choices, and for doing his own work. I explained that by attempting to do his work for him, I was not only stunting my own personal spiritual growth by expending all my energy on him rather than myself, but was stunting his as well because as long as I did it for him, he didn’t have to do it, and by not doing it, he was not growing and evolving. I was doing both of us a disservice. So stop, it has. It is a big adjustment for him, and for me. But he is doing his work now, while looking to me for guidance rather than dependency, and I now have more free energy to work on my own stuff. It seems to be working pretty good.
Is there something going on in your present life that you might be able to trace back to a past life in some way or other that needs to be resolved. If so, I encourage you to resolve it so everyone involved can move forward.